Good Things
I've been trying to journal whenever my brain reminds me. It's always been one of the best ways for me to self-reflect. More epiphanies have been gained by my writing things down than any other way. In some ways it's a form of meditation I suppose.
Today's meditation and practice in self-reflection started off completely negative, as is almost always the case. I have those intrusive thoughts cycling cycling cycling, spinning spinning spinning. Sometimes it feels as if they're always there just below the surface.
After one page of self-loathing and misery I turned towards the positive by listing good things, so here we go.
Cory's encouragement.
Cory's forearms, how they're tan underneath the blonde hairs.
Otto's dimples.
Otto's sweetness.
Faith's determination.
Faith's giggle.
Elliott's gratitude.
Elliott's creativity.
Arlo's soft puppy ears.
Arlo's snores.
A new washer and dryer.
The generosity of Cory's parents.
Cool sheets covered in dog hair.
Having just enough coffee grounds left to make one cup.
Teenagers who sleep in.
Hydroxizine for deep sleep.
Dreams I don't remember but fill me with warmth when I wake up.
New, anticipated books coming in the mail.
Plants kept alive.
Plants that have died, but I know that I tried.
I've tried mindfulness exercises and have failed so completely. I know the science, that it can change the very make-up of your brain. I know it's the best way to recover my memory, my attention span, but I have excuses. Kids, a dog, everything in this house is loud.
For now journaling and writing here, not for others to read necessarily but for myself, for posterity, will have to be my mindfulness while life feels like it's spinning off its axis.
Hydration, deep breaths, and more rest.
Today's meditation and practice in self-reflection started off completely negative, as is almost always the case. I have those intrusive thoughts cycling cycling cycling, spinning spinning spinning. Sometimes it feels as if they're always there just below the surface.
After one page of self-loathing and misery I turned towards the positive by listing good things, so here we go.
Cory's encouragement.
Cory's forearms, how they're tan underneath the blonde hairs.
Otto's dimples.
Otto's sweetness.
Faith's determination.
Faith's giggle.
Elliott's gratitude.
Elliott's creativity.
Arlo's soft puppy ears.
Arlo's snores.
A new washer and dryer.
The generosity of Cory's parents.
Cool sheets covered in dog hair.
Having just enough coffee grounds left to make one cup.
Teenagers who sleep in.
Hydroxizine for deep sleep.
Dreams I don't remember but fill me with warmth when I wake up.
New, anticipated books coming in the mail.
Plants kept alive.
Plants that have died, but I know that I tried.
I've tried mindfulness exercises and have failed so completely. I know the science, that it can change the very make-up of your brain. I know it's the best way to recover my memory, my attention span, but I have excuses. Kids, a dog, everything in this house is loud.
For now journaling and writing here, not for others to read necessarily but for myself, for posterity, will have to be my mindfulness while life feels like it's spinning off its axis.
Hydration, deep breaths, and more rest.
